We have all heard the quote coined by Theodore Roosevelt, “comparison is the thief of joy”. Joy is defined as a feeling of happiness, but it goes much deeper than that. With life, comes hardships and challenges. How do you hold on to joy amidst life that is subject to challenges and hardship?
Comparison comes along to wreak havoc on joy in ways that are not always obvious. In the period we live in, with constant bombardment of seemingly perfect lives on social media, it’s easy to see how comparison can take its toll. But beyond that, comparison sneaks into our own thought process, sometimes without detection. Let’s think about a few: expectations, perspective, judgement and fear.
Expectations
Often times we place expectations on people or events. Sometimes they are unrealistic or uncommunicated, and we set ourselves up for disappointment as we compare the way things are with what we had expected. Being open to realize that things don’t have to be perfect to be good is a way to keep your expectations reasonable.
Perspective
Sometimes people find themselves in a situation that they had not expected, nor had any choice over. It’s in these times when the thought process has to shift. If you cannot change the situation, you must change your perspective. When the illusion of control is stripped away, all that can be done is to decide how to respond, address or cope with the situation. Do not fall into the trap of comparing whatever that situation is with another. Rather, focus on changing your perspective because ultimately, that is all you can control.
Judgement
Judging oneself and others can happen quite innocently, but usually leads to disappointment. Realizing that we are all fallible and extending grace to others is vital to maintaining healthy relationships. Most importantly, we tend to withhold grace from ourselves. Self-acceptance and self-love are not selfish but are paramount to emotional health. Withhold judgement against others and yourself and operate from a state of understanding.
Fear
Fear is like a prerequisite to comparison. We don’t act because we have a fear of failure. That fear of failure is based on a comparison of what we define as success. We fear falling short of our comparison – whether that is putting yourself out there for a relationship, making a career change, going after a promotion and even in parenting. Letting fear dominate your choices is allowing comparison to win before you even set out to accomplish your goal.
All of these “joy-thieves” will appear along the path of life at one time or another. It’s up to us to stop the thieves before comparison steals the joy right out from under us. Joy can be found when the thought processes are monitored and an effort is made to cut out the elements that lead to comparison.