When core needs are not met in a relationship, conflict increases. Conflict is actually great time for couples to grow and sharpen communication skills. However, human nature often pops up during these times and pride rears its ugly head. Pride takes our ugliness and paints it as justifiable. Pride makes us defensive and we begin to find fault in our partner instead of looking inward to examine our own hearts. We find ourself becoming harsh and judgemental as we pick our partner apart piece by piece. Proverbs 16:18, tells us that, “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.” That is exactly what happens when we focus on the negative instead of working to find compromise.
So how do we prevent this?
Couples have to make a decision to resolve conflict when it begins. This is where communication comes in. The ability to communicate well is important in any relationship, but it is vital in marriage. The lack of communication leads to issues being swept under the rug. As a result, anger and hostility builds, opening the door for uglier arguments.
Listening is a tool that builds communication. Everyone needs to be heard. When we listen to our partner, trust builds. Our individual personalities are what attracted us to each other, however, we often become angry when our partner does not see everything the way we do. Listening to their perspective and not judging because it differs from our own is a key element to good communication. Intentionally setting time aside at least twice a month to talk is the perfect way to keep these arguments at bay. The more we communicate the more safe we begin to feel. As this happens, the fear to reveal ourselves gradually dissipates.
When to get help
At times couples find themselves in a complete breakdown in communication. When this happens, seek help from a professional counselor. Counseling will help you get your relationship back on track. I have seen many marriages healed when couples are willing to do the work required to open the lines of communication.