Effective communication is essential for building a strong and lasting relationship, particularly in romantic partnerships that are closely intertwined. Understanding each other’s communication styles and practicing assertive, respectful, and compassionate communication can enhance the connection between partners, prevent conflicts, and strengthen the bond over time. Below are some different communication techniques that can help improve the resilience and connection in your relationship.

1. Active Listening

When people engage in conversation, their focus is often on formulating their next response or preparing to counter the other person’s argument. This pattern frequently leads to misunderstandings and the potential for conflicts to intensify.

Couples who practice active listening can enhance their communication skills, leading to more effective interactions. Active listening requires full attention and understanding of your partner’s words.

Practice active listening by giving your partner your full attention and refraining from preparing a response in your mind. Instead, truly engage with their thoughts and emotions. Demonstrate your attentiveness through nods and encouraging phrases like “I understand” or “Tell me more”.

By actively listening, you show your partner that you respect their perspective and are willing to understand where they are coming from. This leads to fewer misunderstandings and creates a safe environment for meaningful conversations as a couple to address any issues when they arise.

Example:

Does this ever happen in your conversations?

Partner 1: “I don’t understand why you don’t want to come with to the beach with my family.”

Partner 2: “I’m really busy at work, and I have already missed from being sick. It stresses me out to take more time off. I’m concerned about our bills and losing my job if I miss too much.”

Partner 1: “You’re always putting work first, before our relationship, before everything.”

Partner 2: “That’s not true or fair. I  went with you to the family reunion last month, because it was important to you, even though I had to take PTO.”

In this example, Partner 1 is not actively listening to Partner 2 because they are quick to dismiss Partner 2’s concerns about missing work and risking their job. Partner 2, on the other hand, is focusing on their own perspective rather than trying to understand what Partner 1 is saying. A better way to approach this conversation would be for Partner 1 to listen to Partner 2’s concerns about work, and for Partner 2 to try to see things from Partner 1’s perspective about the importance of spending time with family.

2. Express Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.

Empathy is one of the most important components of effective communication. When your partner expresses their concerns or feelings, be intentional in trying to understand their perspective. Validate their emotions by acknowledging how they feel. Without empathy, we feel dismissed.

Example:

Saying “I can understand why that upset you” or “I would feel the same way if I were in your position” will help your partner feel heard and supported. Empathy fosters a deeper connection and helps in resolving conflicts more effectively. When one partner is able to understand and appreciate the other’s perspective, the bond between the couple grows stronger.

3. “I” Statements

Sometimes, couples have trouble communicating authentically with each other because they use blame or attack language. This can cause escalation of already tense situations or hurt feelings.

Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can make a significant difference in communication. “You” statements can sound accusatory and put your partner on the defensive.

On the other hand, “I” statements express your feelings without blaming or attacking your partner.

Example:

Does this sound familiar?

Partner 1: “You’re always leaving dishes in the sink. This kitchen is a mess!”

Partner 2: “That’s not true, I clean up when I use the kitchen.”

Partner 1: “Well this morning left your dishes in the sink again.”

Partner 2: “Can you give me a break.  I had a doctors appointment early this morning.”

In this example, both partners are using “you” statements that put each other on the defensive. If Partner 1 were to use an “I” statement, the conversation may go differently.

For example, instead of Partner 1 saying, “You’re always leaving the kitchen a wreck,”  He could say, “I feel frustrated when I come home and the kitchen is a mess.” This allows Partner 2 to understand the impact their actions have on Partner 1 without feeling attacked or defensive.

4. Take a Time Out

Sometime emotions run high and you are no longer able to express yourself or hear what your partner is saying. This is called flooding and when you reach this point it is time to take a break. Continuing when you are flooded is opening the door for more hurtful words and it ultimately causes destruction.

When emotions are high, wisdom is low! This is true in all situations.  This is your signal that it is time to  take a break, cool down and gather your thoughts. It is helpful to come up with a phrase that indicates the need for a break. It is imperative that both partners respect this request for a time out. Refusing to allow your partner to take time is a form of emotional abuse, and it is bullying behavior.

When you have had time to calm down, come back together to discuss the issue.

Taking a time-out prevents arguments from escalating and allows both partners to approach the conversation with a clearer and calmer perspective. It is crucial to remind each other that it’s always about resolving the issue, not winning the argument.

Example:

Consider the following scenario:

Partner 1: “I can’t believe you forgot our date night again.”

Partner 2: “I didn’t forget. I just have a lot going on and it slipped my mind.”

Partner 1: “You always justify everything. You never make our relationship a priority.”

Partner 2: “That’s not true. I wish you understood that I’m really busy.”

In this example, the argument is becoming heated, and both partners are becoming defensive. One or both partners need to take a time-out to cool down and process their thoughts. A time-out would allow them to come back to the conversation when they are both in a better head space.

Effective communication is crucial for a healthy and happy relationship. By practicing active listening, using “I” statements, expressing empathy, and taking time-outs, couples can build better communication skills and strengthen their relationship. Communication effort and practice throughout our entire lifetime,  but it’s always worth it. Practicing these effective communication techniques, couples can create a stronger connection and improve the quality of their relationship.

If your relationship is facing communication challenges, consider making an appointment with one of our relationship specialists.