Attachment Styles Determine our Relationships

by Susan Amaya | Sep 18, 2022 | Freedom, Mental Health, Overcoming Anxiety, Relationships, Self-Esteem

Attachment styles determine our relationships.In early childhood attachments form and subsequently set the stage for who we choose in romantic relationships. However, not only our romantic relationships are determined by our attachment style, all of our relationships are. Therefore it is important to learn about our attachment styles so we can have more secure and happy life.

Attachment styles are passed down through generations

Attachment styles are passed down through generations of families. We spend most of our childhood with parents, grandparents or whomever raises us; therefore, their attachment styles pass down to us.

A secure attachment style forms through the healthy bond between children and their caregivers. The caregivers meet their children’s needs and therefore the child forms healthy expectations about their world and the people in it.

This outlook has a significant impact on many other areas of the child’s life; from how willing they are to explore their environment, to how they socialize with other children and adults, and even to how they behave in adult relationships.

The attachment style a of child develops by the age of two, so it is important to understand that once the attachment style is set, behavior patterns are established. These behavior patterns can be changed but unfortunately, only three out of four people will ever seek help to make changes. We can take action to heal an insecure attachment and as a result ensure that we don’t pass on the same traits to future generations.

However, attachment styles and behavior patterns can be changed with realization and healing. When we understand how our attachment styes determine our relationships, we can make positive change and as a result future generations do not have to carry on destructive behavior patterns. The trauma from previous generations can be stopped!

There are four adult attachment styles that determine our relationships:

Anxious, also referred to as Preoccupied.
Avoidant, also referred to as Dismissive.
Disorganized, also referred to as Fearful-Avoidant
Secure, otherwise known as healthy

Your attachment style does not have to be resolute. You can learn to attach more securely by overcoming deep-rooted attachment issues,and consequently reducing the impact of insecurities, and childhood trauma

In the next post, we will learn about the different types of attachment and how each attachment style determines our relationships.

Group Therapy Can Be Life-Changing for Your Teen

by Susan Amaya | May 25, 2019 | Group Therapy, Mental Health, Overcoming Anxiety, Teenagers, Uncategorized

Group Therapy and Your Teen

Group therapy can be life-changing for your teen. Teens face unique challenges in today’s society. They are also influenced most by their peers. This is why peer group therapy is so effective in assisting teens with depression, anxiety, and societal issues. 56 studies over a 20-year period, reported in the Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, reports that group therapy was proven more effective with children and teenagers than other forms of therapy. Often, parents are not equipped to be the sole source of support and teens need support outside of the home. Rekindled Hope’s group for teens provides a safe place for teens to attend sessions with peers, and led by a Masters level therapist. The group will help teens feel supported while they gain confidence, address relevant topics, and seek personal growth.

Benefits of group therapy with teens

Feel supported and validated by their peers
Observe the progress of others
Improved self-esteem and confidence
Overcome issues
Give strength to one another
Real talk about real issues
Accountability
Learn new strategies and coping skills
Positive social interaction
Learn about themselves
Build peer relationships

When depression or anxiety develop in the teen years, it can stick around and become a lifelong struggle. Always consult your child’s doctor about concerning emotional issues. Group therapy provides therapists with the rare opportunity to see teenagers social problems in action. Shyness, bullying, inattentiveness, fearfulness, social anxieties are a few of the tendencies that emerge in group. A skilled group therapist catches these reactions in the moment and helps teens to overcome bad habits and make new choices. Adults do not usually understand the anxiety and fears that teens face today. Allowing teens time with their peers to address relevant issues will bring positive change to your family overall. Group therapy can be life-changing for your teen! I cannot stress this enough!

Benefits of Group Therapy

by Susan Amaya | Apr 20, 2019 | Group Therapy, Mental Health

The Many Benefits of Group Therapy

There are many benefits to group therapy. Group therapy is an ideal choice for addressing your issues and making positive changes in your life. A group setting can be intimidating, however, participants quickly become comfortable as they open up. Most people are surprised to discover they enjoy the group and participants report that they are very satisfied with the experience. Some examples of therapy groups are teens, cancer patients, bereavement, divorce, parenting children with disabilities, addiction, abuse recovery, and betrayal recovery. Kendra Cherry gives a great overview of group therapy in her article on https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-group-therapy-2795760. Below are some of the many benefits to joining a group therapy session.

Group Therapy Builds Community

A benefit of group therapy is the building of community. Communities are important because they provide support to individuals who are impacted by the same issues of daily stress. As human beings, we need a sense of belonging. No one likes to feel isolated and alone. Groups remove isolation, therefore, creating a network of people dealing with the same struggles.

Perspectives Change

Another benefit of group therapy is the realization of other perspectives. Different personalities and backgrounds bring different perspectives. Often, people are forced into a situation that is out of their control. Group therapy is a good place to address these issues. Members of the group cannot change what happened, however, they can offer different perspectives. Sharing helps others cope, learn and grow. There is power in a group coming together and sharing different perspectives.

Support Reduces Depression and Anxiety

One of the most important benefits of group therapy is the support it creates. Research has proved that having a support system has many positive benefits. These benefits include better coping skills and a healthier life. The social support from group therapy can reduce depression and anxiety. Group therapy sessions are helpful in reducing stress, confusion, fear and isolation that has been produced by life changing events. The social support of a group builds people up during times of stress, often giving them the strength to carry on. Being surrounded by people who are caring and supportive allows people to find hope. Group therapy is motivating. Members encourage each other to make healthy choices. Support is vital when facing some of life’s toughest challenges.

Problems With Self-Esteem

by Susan Amaya | Mar 5, 2019 | Mental Health, Self-Esteem

What is Self-Esteem?

Self-esteem is how we feel about and define ourselves. The definition may seem simple, but problems with self-esteem lead to challenges in many aspects of our lives. It should remain stable, but it tends to rise and fall. People allow external circumstances to dictate how they feel about themselves. A healthy self-esteem is critical to live a fulfilled life and have positive relationships with those around you. Let’s take a look at what happens when self-esteem is unhealthy.

Problems with Low Self-Esteem

Often people define themselves by what they do professionally (I’m a teacher) or what they believe (I’m a conservative). But that doesn’t really define a person and leads to problems with self-esteem. When people struggle with identity issues or outside influences it’s possible that they will begin to suffer with low-self esteem. Think about the external things we allow into our thought processes that can impact our self-esteem negatively.

Do they like/love me?
Do they think I’m smart?
Will they employ me?
Will I be asked my opinion?
Did I get an invite?
Do I belong here?
Do I have what it takes?

These are all thought processes that stem from external circumstances. In addition to these questions that fill our minds are the falsehoods we tend to believe over time. Have you ever had such negative definitions of yourself as “I’m useless, I’m hopeless, I’m so stupid, I’m unlovable, I always make the wrong decision”? Statements like these and answers to those questions above can never define who you are and, undoubtedly, lead to problems with low self-esteem. No one is hopeless, useless or unlovable. These are things we would rarely think of someone else, but are quick to pass judgement on ourselves. These thoughts can contribute to depression and anxiety. Many times, people self-medicate to alleviate these negative self-views with poor choices that will make them feel better momentarily – alcohol, sex, drugs, gambling, excessive exercise, food, etc.

Problems with High Self-Esteem

The flip side of the coin is also a problem in people’s lives. People who believe they are entitled or better than others have an inflated sense of self-esteem. They tend to hurt others and disregard other people’s feelings and needs. Even though it’s the opposite problem of low self-esteem, this can still cause strife in all of a person’s relationships.

Healthy Self-Esteem

It’s clear to see that to live a life of fulfillment and contentment, one must evaluate and build a healthy self-esteem based on truth. Establishing the truth about your self-worth and what defines you as “you” is something that can have a positive impact in all of your relationships – personal, professional, parenting, etc. Relationships, families and society as a whole would benefit if we were all operating from a place of healthy self-esteem because we know that hurting people hurt people. So many challenges that people face can be solved with work that starts on building a solid, healthy self-esteem. It’s not easy to work on self-awareness and confront the issues of self-esteem, but it is a worthwhile endeavor when you see the difference it can make in your life.

The Aftermath of Sexual Assault

by Susan Amaya | Jan 27, 2019 | Betrayal, Mental Health, Overcoming Anxiety, Self-Esteem, Sexual Assualt

The aftermath of sexual assault is devastating. The trauma goes far beyond physical injuries. Rape steals your sense of safety and victims begin to question their judgment, self-worth, and even their sanity. It becomes hard for you to trust yourself or others. Sexual assault is a violation of the human heart and mind. In addition, it produces trauma, that if left untreated, will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Below are some examples of sexual assault:

Rape
Child molestation
Exposure to sexually explicit materials (pornography)
Sexual harassment in the workplace or classroom

Any sexual act without your consent is sexual assault.

SYMPTOMS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT TRAUMA

Nightmares
Flashbacks
Depression
Panic attacks
Emotional outbursts
Emotional detachment from others
Inability to experience healthy sexual activity
Self-medication through substance abuse
Self-injury
Suicidal thoughts or actions

Victims of sexual assault are often embarrassed about what has happened. As a result, they are reluctant to share their feelings and pain with others. Shame is associated with sexual assault, resulting in rape victims keeping the pain deep inside. This can lead to drug or alcohol use, as well as, other self-harming behaviors.

The truth is that victims of sexual assault should be no more embarrassed to seek help than a victim of robbery would be.

The trauma of being sexually assaulted is shattering. Consequently, rape victims suffer nightmares and flashbacks. Therefore, it is important to remember that what happened was not your fault. You can regain your sense of safety and trust. Recovering from sexual assault takes time, and the healing process is painful. However, with help and support, you can move past the trauma. You can take control of your life and rebuild your self-worth, allowing you to come out on the other side, feeling stronger and more resilient.