Rejection fuels the distorted belief that others aren’t interested in us. This leads to feeling we aren’t good enough. Often, when we face rejection, we assume that others are not interested in us. If we miss out on a job opportunity, we may believe it’s because employers see us as an ‘unqualified imposter.’ These interpretations build into a narrative. This narrative becomes a distorted belief of who we think we are.

Our ego, is shaped by our lived experiences.

Our ego filters information that aligns with our conditioned beliefs. The mind believes we are unworthy, and our ego colors our experiences with that belief. When we embark on a new relationship our minds may race with anxious thoughts like “I must have said something wrong? Maybe I unintentionally offend them? Did I dominate the conversation?” This can lead to anxiety if we don’t hear back from the person. Anxiety fuels fear of rejection.

Distorted Beliefs

These assumptions are our mind’s coping mechanisms to navigate uncertainty. Uncertainty feels unsafe. To feel secure, our conditioned mind clings to familiar beliefs. Beliefs such as ‘I am unworthy of my parents’ time or attention.’ Why does our ego create and maintain a hurtful story? The answer lies in our innate desire for certainty. We rarely respond with ‘I don’t know’ to questions we’re unsure about. Instead, we reason our way to an answer. Our ego seeks to confirm and reinforce the stories we’ve internalized since childhood. The beliefs residing in our subconscious mind greatly influence our physical experiences.

Focusing on the emotional pain of rejection triggers a threat in our nervous system. The nervous system reacts to perceived threats with a racing heart or muscle tension. The longer our nervous system stays dysregulated, the more our mind and body respond to each other, leading to overwhelming emotional and physical discomfort. Our emotions lead us to believe we have been rejected. Sometimes we are correct, but not always!