by Susan Amaya | Jun 10, 2019 | Teenagers
Teen Troubles
When your teen is in trouble how can you help? You can tell when something is off. While you might not understand the reasons behind their responses, you know that aggression, withdrawal, self-harm and other destructive behaviors all point to a young person in pain. As toxic stress increases, so does trouble in your relationships.
A young person who has experienced trauma such as bullying, divorce, loss of parent, sibling, or close friend, struggles with sexual orientation, etc, can exhibit a variety of behaviors. When your teen is in trouble, they might lash out in sudden anger or become increasingly moody and withdrawn. Perhaps they’ll find themselves in with a new group of friends or trade their bright and friendly disposition for the one you can no longer recognize. These reactions are a result of toxic stress.
Research has taught us that chronic exposure to trauma can lead to toxic stress.
When your teen is in trouble you may see some of the following behaviors:
becoming startled or frightened easily
exaggerated reactions to daily events
angry outbursts
aggression or violence toward others
feelings of guilt or shame
depression
emotional numbness
aversion or a loss of interest in previously enjoyed activities
changes in sleeping or eating habits
alcohol or drug use
sexual promiscuity
self-harm or suicidal thoughts/tendencies
easily brought to tears
poor performance in school
symptoms consistent with ADHD
When your teen is in trouble there is often tension at home and in school. In addition, researchers have found a strong correlation between the above behaviors and one’s tendency to engage in risky behaviors.
Understanding the Long Term Effects of Trauma:
Prolonged exposure to trauma not only interrupts a child’s physical and mental growth, but it also changes the brain’s response to stress. If left untreated, these changes can result in unshakable feelings of terror, depression, and helplessness. When you your teen is in trouble how can you help? You can act quickly! Receiving help opens the door to positive change. Contact us today to learn more about ongoing groups to help you and your teen through these difficult times!
Understanding the long term effects of trauma
by Susan Amaya | May 25, 2019 | Group Therapy, Mental Health, Overcoming Anxiety, Teenagers, Uncategorized
Group Therapy and Your Teen
Group therapy can be life-changing for your teen. Teens face unique challenges in today’s society. They are also influenced most by their peers. This is why peer group therapy is so effective in assisting teens with depression, anxiety, and societal issues. 56 studies over a 20-year period, reported in the Journal of Clinical Child Psychology, reports that group therapy was proven more effective with children and teenagers than other forms of therapy. Often, parents are not equipped to be the sole source of support and teens need support outside of the home. Rekindled Hope’s group for teens provides a safe place for teens to attend sessions with peers, and led by a Masters level therapist. The group will help teens feel supported while they gain confidence, address relevant topics, and seek personal growth.
Benefits of group therapy with teens
- Feel supported and validated by their peers
- Observe the progress of others
- Improved self-esteem and confidence
- Overcome issues
- Give strength to one another
- Real talk about real issues
- Accountability
- Learn new strategies and coping skills
- Positive social interaction
- Learn about themselves
- Build peer relationships
When depression or anxiety develop in the teen years, it can stick around and become a lifelong struggle. Always consult your child’s doctor about concerning emotional issues.
Group therapy provides therapists with the rare opportunity to see teenagers social problems in action. Shyness, bullying, inattentiveness, fearfulness, social anxieties are a few of the tendencies that emerge in group. A skilled group therapist catches these reactions in the moment and helps teens to overcome bad habits and make new choices. Adults do not usually understand the anxiety and fears that teens face today. Allowing teens time with their peers to address relevant issues will bring positive change to your family overall. Group therapy can be life-changing for your teen! I cannot stress this enough!
by Susan Amaya | Apr 20, 2019 | Group Therapy, Mental Health
The Many Benefits of Group Therapy
There are many benefits to group therapy. Group therapy is an ideal choice for addressing your issues and making positive changes in your life. A group setting can be intimidating, however, participants quickly become comfortable as they open up. Most people are surprised to discover they enjoy the group and participants report that they are very satisfied with the experience. Some examples of therapy groups are teens, cancer patients, bereavement, divorce, parenting children with disabilities, addiction, abuse recovery, and betrayal recovery. Kendra Cherry gives a great overview of group therapy in her article on https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-group-therapy-2795760. Below are some of the many benefits to joining a group therapy session.
Group Therapy Builds Community
A benefit of group therapy is the building of community. Communities are important because they provide support to individuals who are impacted by the same issues of daily stress. As human beings, we need a sense of belonging. No one likes to feel isolated and alone. Groups remove isolation, therefore, creating a network of people dealing with the same struggles.
Perspectives Change
Another benefit of group therapy is the realization of other perspectives. Different personalities and backgrounds bring different perspectives. Often, people are forced into a situation that is out of their control. Group therapy is a good place to address these issues. Members of the group cannot change what happened, however, they can offer different perspectives. Sharing helps others cope, learn and grow. There is power in a group coming together and sharing different perspectives.
Support Reduces Depression and Anxiety
One of the most important benefits of group therapy is the support it creates. Research has proved that having a support system has many positive benefits. These benefits include better coping skills and a healthier life. The social support from group therapy can reduce depression and anxiety. Group therapy sessions are helpful in reducing stress, confusion, fear and isolation that has been produced by life changing events. The social support of a group builds people up during times of stress, often giving them the strength to carry on. Being surrounded by people who are caring and supportive allows people to find hope. Group therapy is motivating. Members encourage each other to make healthy choices. Support is vital when facing some of life’s toughest challenges.
by Susan Amaya | Mar 20, 2019 | Uncategorized
We have all heard the quote coined by Theodore Roosevelt, “comparison is the thief of joy”. Joy is defined as a feeling of happiness, but it goes much deeper than that. With life, comes hardships and challenges. How do you hold on to joy amidst life that is subject to challenges and hardship?
Comparison comes along to wreak havoc on joy in ways that are not always obvious. In the period we live in, with constant bombardment of seemingly perfect lives on social media, it’s easy to see how comparison can take its toll. But beyond that, comparison sneaks into our own thought process, sometimes without detection. Let’s think about a few: expectations, perspective, judgement and fear.
Expectations
Often times we place expectations on people or events. Sometimes they are unrealistic or uncommunicated, and we set ourselves up for disappointment as we compare the way things are with what we had expected. Being open to realize that things don’t have to be perfect to be good is a way to keep your expectations reasonable.
Perspective
Sometimes people find themselves in a situation that they had not expected, nor had any choice over. It’s in these times when the thought process has to shift. If you cannot change the situation, you must change your perspective. When the illusion of control is stripped away, all that can be done is to decide how to respond, address or cope with the situation. Do not fall into the trap of comparing whatever that situation is with another. Rather, focus on changing your perspective because ultimately, that is all you can control.
Judgement
Judging oneself and others can happen quite innocently, but usually leads to disappointment. Realizing that we are all fallible and extending grace to others is vital to maintaining healthy relationships. Most importantly, we tend to withhold grace from ourselves. Self-acceptance and self-love are not selfish but are paramount to emotional health. Withhold judgement against others and yourself and operate from a state of understanding.
Fear
Fear is like a prerequisite to comparison. We don’t act because we have a fear of failure. That fear of failure is based on a comparison of what we define as success. We fear falling short of our comparison – whether that is putting yourself out there for a relationship, making a career change, going after a promotion and even in parenting. Letting fear dominate your choices is allowing comparison to win before you even set out to accomplish your goal.
All of these “joy-thieves” will appear along the path of life at one time or another. It’s up to us to stop the thieves before comparison steals the joy right out from under us. Joy can be found when the thought processes are monitored and an effort is made to cut out the elements that lead to comparison.
by Susan Amaya | Mar 5, 2019 | Mental Health, Self-Esteem
What is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is how we feel about and define ourselves. The definition may seem simple, but problems with self-esteem lead to challenges in many aspects of our lives. It should remain stable, but it tends to rise and fall. People allow external circumstances to dictate how they feel about themselves. A healthy self-esteem is critical to live a fulfilled life and have positive relationships with those around you. Let’s take a look at what happens when self-esteem is unhealthy.
Problems with Low Self-Esteem
Often people define themselves by what they do professionally (I’m a teacher) or what they believe (I’m a conservative). But that doesn’t really define a person and leads to problems with self-esteem. When people struggle with identity issues or outside influences it’s possible that they will begin to suffer with low-self esteem. Think about the external things we allow into our thought processes that can impact our self-esteem negatively.
- Do they like/love me?
- Do they think I’m smart?
- Will they employ me?
- Will I be asked my opinion?
- Did I get an invite?
- Do I belong here?
- Do I have what it takes?
These are all thought processes that stem from external circumstances. In addition to these questions that fill our minds are the falsehoods we tend to believe over time. Have you ever had such negative definitions of yourself as “I’m useless, I’m hopeless, I’m so stupid, I’m unlovable, I always make the wrong decision”? Statements like these and answers to those questions above can never define who you are and, undoubtedly, lead to problems with low self-esteem. No one is hopeless, useless or unlovable. These are things we would rarely think of someone else, but are quick to pass judgement on ourselves. These thoughts can contribute to depression and anxiety. Many times, people self-medicate to alleviate these negative self-views with poor choices that will make them feel better momentarily – alcohol, sex, drugs, gambling, excessive exercise, food, etc.
Problems with High Self-Esteem
The flip side of the coin is also a problem in people’s lives. People who believe they are entitled or better than others have an inflated sense of self-esteem. They tend to hurt others and disregard other people’s feelings and needs. Even though it’s the opposite problem of low self-esteem, this can still cause strife in all of a person’s relationships.
Healthy Self-Esteem
It’s clear to see that to live a life of fulfillment and contentment, one must evaluate and build a healthy self-esteem based on truth. Establishing the truth about your self-worth and what defines you as “you” is something that can have a positive impact in all of your relationships – personal, professional, parenting, etc. Relationships, families and society as a whole would benefit if we were all operating from a place of healthy self-esteem because we know that hurting people hurt people. So many challenges that people face can be solved with work that starts on building a solid, healthy self-esteem. It’s not easy to work on self-awareness and confront the issues of self-esteem, but it is a worthwhile endeavor when you see the difference it can make in your life.
by Susan Amaya | Feb 28, 2019 | Betrayal
Risk factors for cheating
Why do some partners go outside of the relationship to cheat? While one article could never address all of the vast reasons why infidelity is so prevalent, there are risk factors that can incline some people to cheating. Most people agree that cheating is wrong and immoral, so why do some choose to engage in adulterous relationships? Let’s delve into a brief overview of some risk factors of why some people cheat. However, none of these are excuses for infidelity.
Personality types that lead people to cheat
People who have a sense of entitlement tend to prioritize meeting their own needs above all. Those with a high degree of narcissistic tendencies are at risk for engaging in infidelity. Cheating is typically a search for attention. People that cheat often feel as if the rules don’t apply to them and they have little concern for the consequences. Extroverts are outgoing and this may lead to an unintended relationship that finds its way on the slippery slope to adultery. Flirty extroverts may be sending off the wrong signal without realizing it.
Low Self-esteem and Insecurity Issues can lead people to cheat
Men often subconsciously look to prove that they are still sexually attractive. Women desire to feel cherished and showered with affection. The demands of daily life can lead to a lack of focus on each other. This can cause a partner to seek attention elsewhere or fall victim to the advances of others .
Parental Influence can play a role in why people cheat
Having a parent that normalized this behavior increases the likelihood of a grown child repeating it. Simply put, they learned the way to be a spouse through their same sex parent role model. Parental abuse or neglect can lead to abnormal attachment styles and also a skewed view of normal sexual behavior. Unless a grown child has addressed these childhood wounds, the risk of past trauma affecting their adult intimate relationships in a negative way is a high probability.
Sex Addiction is often linked to cheating
Sex addiction can escalate into cheating as the addict spirals into needing new and different sexual partners whether through affairs or seeking out prostitutes. Even without an addiction, someone with many prior sexual partners may place less value on monogamy in a relationship. This might mean that sex is their main way of connecting with a partner, which increases the likelihood of becoming sexual with a partner outside of the marriage. Also, other addictions that lower inhibitions can help create an environment that leads to infidelity.
Again, none of these are meant to serve as an excuse for infidelity. Regardless of risk factors, people are responsible for their choices
by Susan Amaya | Feb 5, 2019 | co-parenting
Co-Parenting in a Healthy Way
Co-parenting is critical for your child’s well being. You must share the duties of co-parenting in a healthy way to protect your child’s emotional health. It will be challenging, but, it is critical for your child’s well being. When both parents share the same goal it creates structure. Communication and cooperation are the two main components of co-parenting well. Effective communication insures less conflict when your child is living between two households. The most important element is communicating and setting up standards for how that will be done. You must decide whether you and your co-parent communicate best in written form or face to face. What works best for one family may be different for another family. Consistency in communication is key to successful co-parenting.
Rules and Boundaries
Once the method of communication is established and scheduling is out of the way, it’s important to set up consistent rules and boundaries for both households. Your child’s need of structure is vital and requires cooperation between parents. The goal is to keep your child’s well-being the focus of all communication. Neither parent needs to be concerned with their own needs and emotions. Keep in mind that co-parenting communication is between parents. It is never ok to use your child to communicate co-parenting information. This protects your child from feeling caught in the middle of any conflict or disagreement. Realize that cooperation is not giving in to the other parent, it is what’s in the best interest of your child. If both parents can keep that in mind and stay positive it will greatly impact your child’s well being in a positive manner.
Co-parenting for your child’s well being is not without challenges. But, once these standards are in place, it will produce a successful parenting plan. It’s helpful to remember the three C’s – communication, consistency and cooperation.
by Susan Amaya | Jan 27, 2019 | Betrayal, Mental Health, Overcoming Anxiety, Self-Esteem, Sexual Assualt
The aftermath of sexual assault is devastating. The trauma goes far beyond physical injuries. Rape steals your sense of safety and victims begin to question their judgment, self-worth, and even their sanity. It becomes hard for you to trust yourself or others. Sexual assault is a violation of the human heart and mind. In addition, it produces trauma, that if left untreated, will haunt you for the rest of your life.
Below are some examples of sexual assault:
- Rape
- Child molestation
- Exposure to sexually explicit materials (pornography)
- Sexual harassment in the workplace or classroom
Any sexual act without your consent is sexual assault.
SYMPTOMS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT TRAUMA
- Nightmares
- Flashbacks
- Depression
- Panic attacks
- Emotional outbursts
- Emotional detachment from others
- Inability to experience healthy sexual activity
- Self-medication through substance abuse
- Self-injury
- Suicidal thoughts or actions
Victims of sexual assault are often embarrassed about what has happened. As a result, they are reluctant to share their feelings and pain with others. Shame is associated with sexual assault, resulting in rape victims keeping the pain deep inside. This can lead to drug or alcohol use, as well as, other self-harming behaviors.
The truth is that victims of sexual assault should be no more embarrassed to seek help than a victim of robbery would be.
The trauma of being sexually assaulted is shattering. Consequently, rape victims suffer nightmares and flashbacks. Therefore, it is important to remember that what happened was not your fault. You can regain your sense of safety and trust. Recovering from sexual assault takes time, and the healing process is painful. However, with help and support, you can move past the trauma. You can take control of your life and rebuild your self-worth, allowing you to come out on the other side, feeling stronger and more resilient.
by Susan Amaya | Jan 18, 2019 | Divorce, Freedom, Marriage
The Aftermath of Divorce
The aftermath of divorce can leave even the strongest person reeling. Divorce often brings new worries, responsibilities and self-doubts. Many of these changes can bring on a sense of overwhelm and even bitterness. Recovery takes a conscious effort so that you can move on with a fulfilling life full of purpose.
Losses Must be Grieved
It’s important to understand that regardless of the circumstances surrounding a divorce, there is grieving to be done. Some things are tangible losses and others are not as easy to identify, like time away from children when they are with the other parent or the loss of the dream of growing old together. It’s important not to bury these feelings and forgo the grieving process. It’s necessary for healing. But it’s equally important not to become your own worst enemy and allow yourself to become stuck in a pit of bitterness.
Support is Important
In order to navigate the grief process and move away from resentment and bitterness, you must have a strong support system in place. Friends and family often mean well, but they can also unknowingly encourage the negativity often associated with divorce. Seeking professional help or a support group can help move you from bitterness to purpose. Rediscovering your identity will be a vital component of your recovery. Remember the positive qualities that make you unique.Forgiveness will also be part of the process. For you to gain freedom from the past, you have to forgive. Life can look and feel very different post divorce. A divorce is painful, but you do not have to stay in that dark place.
by Susan Amaya | Dec 12, 2018 | Freedom, Honesty, Marriage
Love Languages. These two words are tossed around when talking about marriage and relationships. Yet, we often do not give our partner’s love language the attention required. Why are love languages so important? Because our love language is the way we are wired to receive love.
It is rare that partners share the same love language. Knowing and speaking your partner’s love language opens up the doors of communication and can literally take your love to a whole new level. Think about what is important to you. Does it make you happier to have your hand held in public, or to receive a gift? Are you most content when you share time together doing a hobby or when having sex? More than likely, you spend your time with your partner doing the things that make you happy. Consider that their answers to those questions are the exact opposite of yours. Imagine if your spouse knew the answers to those and other questions about your inner being? What if they knew the things that made you the happiest? Imagine if you were privy to the same things about them. There would be less mind reading, less trying with no success, and less frustration. Learning each others love language takes time and effort on both parts. But, this is one of the easiest and most practical ways to increase happiness in marriage.
Gary Chapman is the author of The 5 Love Languages. I challenge you to go over to his site and take the free quiz. I promise it is time well spent and you just may turn things around quicker than you thought possible. https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
