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Is It Manipulation or Protection? How Insecurity Shows Up in Relationships

by | May 20, 2025 | Mental Health

Is It Manipulation or Protection? How Insecurity Shows Up in Relationships

Have you ever caught yourself trying to make someone feel unsure or guilty, even subtly? Maybe it wasn’t intentional—but there was a need to feel more in control, more secure.

If so, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.

But it’s worth pausing to ask:

“Why do I feel the need to make someone else feel insecure?”

This question isn’t about blaming yourself. It’s about gently uncovering your why. Often, manipulation isn’t a sign of malice—it’s a sign of protection. It’s a way your nervous system tries to create safety in moments that feel uncertain or emotionally risky.

Manipulation Often Hides Insecurity

We tend to think of manipulation as something only “toxic” people do. But in truth, manipulation can show up in all of us when we feel afraid, unworthy, or unsure.

Have you ever:

  • Used guilt to get closeness?

  • Withheld affection or approval to feel in control?

  • Downplayed someone else’s emotions to protect your own?

These are all examples of subtle manipulative behavior that often stem from fear—not cruelty.

The Root: Emotional Safety in Childhood

For many, childhood wasn’t a safe place to be emotionally vulnerable. Maybe you were punished for expressing feelings. Maybe your needs were ignored or used against you. Over time, you learned to protect yourself in the only ways you knew how: shutting down, controlling, or pushing others away.

In that context, manipulation becomes a survival strategy.

But now, as an adult, you have the power to choose new ways of relating—especially when you begin to understand that your inner world deserves compassion, not judgment.

Maturity Is Owning Your Insecurity

Emotional growth doesn’t mean becoming perfect. It means becoming more aware.

Instead of lashing out, you pause.
Instead of blaming, you get curious.
Instead of shutting down, you reach out.

You begin to notice when your fear of rejection or abandonment is driving the behavior—and then choose a different response.

That is maturity. That is healing.

You Are Safe Now

You don’t have to keep your armor on with everyone. Not everyone is safe—but some people are. And you deserve to find them.

Start small. Trust slowly. Let yourself be seen, just a little more each time.

You are worthy of relationships built on honesty, empathy, and connection—not control or fear.

Want Help Navigating This?
At Rekindled Hope Counseling, we support individuals and couples as they explore the roots of emotional reactivity, develop healthier communication patterns, and create safer, more secure relationships.

📞 Schedule a session
📱 Follow us on Instagram @rekindledhopecounseling for daily support and insights

Why Emotional Regulation Is the Most Underrated Parenting Skill

by | May 14, 2025 | children's therapy, co-parenting, Uncategorized

Parenting is one of the most rewarding—and emotionally intense—roles you’ll ever have. Whether you’re navigating tantrums, teen silence, or bedtime battles, your reactions shape more than just the moment. They shape your child’s sense of safety, identity, and how they learn to handle emotions themselves.

At Rekindled Hope Counseling, we help parents understand this powerful truth:
Your ability to regulate your emotions is one of the greatest gifts you can give your child.

Here’s why emotional regulation matters so much—and how you can start practicing it more intentionally.

What Is Emotional Regulation, Really?

It’s not about “staying calm all the time.” That’s unrealistic.

Emotional regulation is the ability to notice what you’re feeling, pause before reacting, and respond in a way that aligns with your values—not just your stress.

It means you can be frustrated without yelling, sad without shutting down, and overwhelmed without lashing out. It’s the pause between trigger and response that changes everything.

Why It Matters for Parents

Your child learns how to handle big emotions by watching you. If they see you take deep breaths, name your feelings, or apologize when you snap—they learn emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and repair.

If they see explosive reactions or shutdowns, they may internalize fear, shame, or avoid expressing emotions altogether.

Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about modeling regulation and repair.

Signs You Might Be Struggling with Emotional Regulation as a Parent:

  • You feel guilty after reacting with anger or sarcasm

  • You avoid certain parenting situations because of how overwhelmed you feel

  • You find yourself apologizing often for your reactions—but nothing changes

  • You’re carrying emotional baggage from your own childhood or past trauma

If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not broken—you’re human. And you can change.

How to Start Regulating More Effectively

  1. Name what you are Feeling
    Say your feeling out loud—even if it’s just to yourself: “I’m feeling really overstimulated right now.”

  2. Use the Power of the Pause
    A deep breath, a drink of water, stepping into the hallway for 30 seconds—small pauses protect relationships.

  3. Repair When You React
    Messing up doesn’t disqualify you. It’s the repair that matters: “I’m sorry I yelled. That wasn’t okay, and I’m working on it.”

  4. Get Support for Your Own Triggers
    If you grew up in a home without emotional safety, you may be parenting with empty tools. Therapy helps you fill that toolbox.

You Deserve Support, Too

Your emotional well-being directly affects how you show up for your family. That’s not pressure—it’s power. When you work on emotional regulation, you’re not just parenting your child. You’re re-parenting yourself with compassion.

At Rekindled Hope, we help parents break generational cycles, develop regulation skills, and show up with calm—even in the chaos.

👉 Schedule a free consultation to learn how therapy can support you in parenting from a place of peace, not pressure.

You can’t control every moment—but you can control how you grow through it.

7 Signs Your Relationship Could Benefit From Counseling

by | May 13, 2025 | Uncategorized

7 Signs Your Relationship Could Benefit from Counseling

At Rekindled Hope, we know relationships go through seasons. Some feel effortless—others feel like you’re walking through fog. Whether you’re dealing with constant arguments, growing distance, or silent resentment, the truth is: every couple hits rough patches.

Therapy isn’t a last resort—it’s a proactive step to reconnect and strengthen your bond. Wondering if it’s time? Here are 7 signs your relationship could benefit from counseling.

1. You Keep Having the Same Argument

If every conversation turns into a loop—where the same issue resurfaces again and again—it’s a sign that deeper needs aren’t being heard. Counseling helps you uncover what’s underneath the recurring conflict and create new ways to communicate.

2. You’re Communicating, But Not Connecting

You talk logistics—who’s picking up the kids, what to have for dinner—but the emotional intimacy is missing. When connection feels mechanical or distant, therapy can help reignite emotional closeness and remind you why you chose each other.

3. Trust Has Been Broken

Whether it’s infidelity, secrecy, or broken promises, breaches of trust can shake the foundation of a relationship. While healing takes time, couples therapy creates a safe space to rebuild trust and establish transparency.

4. One or Both of You Feel Unseen

Feeling emotionally invisible or undervalued is a quiet relationship killer. If you or your partner often think, “They just don’t get me,” therapy can help you both feel heard and understood again.

5. You’re Avoiding Certain Topics

Money. Intimacy. Parenting. If certain conversations feel too heated or too painful to even start, avoidance may be protecting the relationship in the short-term—but hurting it in the long-term. Counseling helps you face hard topics with compassion and structure.

6. You Feel More Like Roommates Than Partners

Maybe the spark has faded. Maybe you’re living parallel lives. It doesn’t always mean love is gone—just that it’s buried. Couples therapy can help you rediscover emotional intimacy and shared purpose.

7. You’ve Thought About Leaving (Even If You Don’t Want To)

Many couples silently wonder, “Would we be better apart?” even when they deeply want things to work. Therapy provides a neutral space to explore that feeling honestly—without judgment—and to work toward clarity and healing.

Therapy Isn’t a Sign of Failure—It’s an Investment in Your Future

You don’t have to wait for a crisis to seek support. In fact, the earlier you get help, the easier it is to repair, reconnect, and rekindle what brought you together in the first place.

At Rekindled Hope, we specialize in helping couples move from disconnection to understanding, from conflict to clarity. If you’re feeling distant, stuck, or unsure, you’re not alone—and you’re not out of options.

👉 Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to see how couples therapy could support you both.

Let’s find your way back—together.

Who Am I?

by | Mar 9, 2025 | Boundaries, Relationships

Who am I?

Codependency is the tendency to put others needs before your own. Do you find yourself accommodating others to such a degree that you tend to discount or ignore your own feelings, desires and basic needs? Does your self-esteem depend largely on how well you please, take care of and/or solve problems for someone else, or for many others? Do you often ask yourself, “Who am I?” Every person who has any contact with at least one other human falls on the codependent scale in some way. The scale is vast, ranging from complete dependence on others to complete independence. The scale can change frequently dependent on how healthy your relationships are and what outside events are happening in your life. Those who depend on no one look around and wonder how to enjoy a healthy relationship; their world has revolved around being totally independent. These people often say, ” I need no one”. We are not made to be an island, everyone needs someone.  Codependents look around and wonder where they can find themselves; their worlds revolved around others and have no idea where their true self has gone.

 
Who Am I? Take a few moments to truthfully answer the following questions:
 
 

  1. Have there been times in your life that you have neglected yourself?

  2. Do people often tell you how thoughtful you are?

  3. Is it sometimes hard for you to make decisions? Do you find you sometimes have a difficult time knowing what you want? Or where you want to go in life?

  4. Do you have a hard time saying no?

  5. Have you ever felt like you’d finally have peace if the people in your life would get their act together?

  6. Do you spend a large amount of your thinking time about other people’s problems and needs?

  7. Have you ever been in a relationship (romantic or not) where you felt addicted to the other person?

  8. Are you drawn to people who need help, but have a hard time receiving help from others?

  9. When you make a point to be thoughtful, have you found yourself angry or discouraged if people don’t respond the way you hoped?

  10. Do you find yourself focusing more on what you do rather than who you are?

  11. Do you find yourself getting frustrated at the people you lead or care for?

  12. Do you find it very hard to confront others when the need arises? Do you avoid conflict?

  13. Doing for others what they should be doing for themselves?

  14. Do you feel a sense of purpose when you’re helping someone?

  15. Do you help shield people from the consequences of their bad decisions?

  16. Have you found yourself putting up with people mistreating you or taking advantage of you?

 

Don’t Lose Heart! Change ‘Who Am I?” to “I Know Who I Am”

 

Don’t get discouraged if you answered “yes” to some, or even most, of these questions. As stated earlier, every person falls on the codependent scale; however there is a “sweet spot” when considering dependence in relationship. It is very healthy to have a mutual caring and giving in a friendship, marriage, or even business partnership; there is always possibility for relationship to become off balance, and for the mutuality to stop. There are many areas that relationship can become unbalanced: emotionally, financially, sexually, physically, and even spiritually.  For example, an unexpected event happens and  a spouse who must care for the other . Should an accident or crippling illness occur, one must provide, comfort and tend to the other who is in no position to reciprocate.

Any time one person gives more than the other there is the potential for the giver to feel resentful, taken advantage of, lonely, depressed, angry, or neglected. Those struggling with neglecting themselves while caring for others often feel in a stuck; part of them loves giving and being needed, as the other part of them feels trapped into caregiving and providing.

It is possible for you to enjoy your relationship with others and find satisfaction in life.

If you find yourself asking, “who am I?”  If you would like to start on your own path to self-discovery, freedom, and fulfilling relationships please contact us to schedule an appointment. We can help you learn how to navigate healthier relationships and find who you really are. 

WHO AM I?

Who Am I?

 

Effective Communication

by | Jun 5, 2024 | Relationships

 

Effective communication is essential for building a strong and lasting relationship, particularly in romantic partnerships that are closely intertwined. Understanding each other’s communication styles and practicing assertive, respectful, and compassionate communication can enhance the connection between partners, prevent conflicts, and strengthen the bond over time. Below are some different communication techniques that can help improve the resilience and connection in your relationship.

1. Active Listening

When people engage in conversation, their focus is often on formulating their next response or preparing to counter the other person’s argument. This pattern frequently leads to misunderstandings and the potential for conflicts to intensify.

Couples who practice active listening can enhance their communication skills, leading to more effective interactions. Active listening requires full attention and understanding of your partner’s words.

Practice active listening by giving your partner your full attention and refraining from preparing a response in your mind. Instead, truly engage with their thoughts and emotions. Demonstrate your attentiveness through nods and encouraging phrases like “I understand” or “Tell me more”.

By actively listening, you show your partner that you respect their perspective and are willing to understand where they are coming from. This leads to fewer misunderstandings and creates a safe environment for meaningful conversations as a couple to address any issues when they arise.

Example:

Does this ever happen in your conversations?

Partner 1: “I don’t understand why you don’t want to come with to the beach with my family.”

Partner 2: “I’m really busy at work, and I have already missed from being sick. It stresses me out to take more time off. I’m concerned about our bills and losing my job if I miss too much.”

Partner 1: “You’re always putting work first, before our relationship, before everything.”

Partner 2: “That’s not true or fair. I  went with you to the family reunion last month, because it was important to you, even though I had to take PTO.”

In this example, Partner 1 is not actively listening to Partner 2 because they are quick to dismiss Partner 2’s concerns about missing work and risking their job. Partner 2, on the other hand, is focusing on their own perspective rather than trying to understand what Partner 1 is saying. A better way to approach this conversation would be for Partner 1 to listen to Partner 2’s concerns about work, and for Partner 2 to try to see things from Partner 1’s perspective about the importance of spending time with family.

2. Express Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.

Empathy is one of the most important components of effective communication. When your partner expresses their concerns or feelings, be intentional in trying to understand their perspective. Validate their emotions by acknowledging how they feel. Without empathy, we feel dismissed.

Example:

Saying “I can understand why that upset you” or “I would feel the same way if I were in your position” will help your partner feel heard and supported. Empathy fosters a deeper connection and helps in resolving conflicts more effectively. When one partner is able to understand and appreciate the other’s perspective, the bond between the couple grows stronger.

3. “I” Statements

Sometimes, couples have trouble communicating authentically with each other because they use blame or attack language. This can cause escalation of already tense situations or hurt feelings.

Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can make a significant difference in communication. “You” statements can sound accusatory and put your partner on the defensive.

On the other hand, “I” statements express your feelings without blaming or attacking your partner.

Example:

Does this sound familiar?

Partner 1: “You’re always leaving dishes in the sink. This kitchen is a mess!”

Partner 2: “That’s not true, I clean up when I use the kitchen.”

Partner 1: “Well this morning left your dishes in the sink again.”

Partner 2: “Can you give me a break.  I had a doctors appointment early this morning.”

In this example, both partners are using “you” statements that put each other on the defensive. If Partner 1 were to use an “I” statement, the conversation may go differently.

For example, instead of Partner 1 saying, “You’re always leaving the kitchen a wreck,”  He could say, “I feel frustrated when I come home and the kitchen is a mess.” This allows Partner 2 to understand the impact their actions have on Partner 1 without feeling attacked or defensive.

4. Take a Time Out

Sometime emotions run high and you are no longer able to express yourself or hear what your partner is saying. This is called flooding and when you reach this point it is time to take a break. Continuing when you are flooded is opening the door for more hurtful words and it ultimately causes destruction.

When emotions are high, wisdom is low! This is true in all situations.  This is your signal that it is time to  take a break, cool down and gather your thoughts. It is helpful to come up with a phrase that indicates the need for a break. It is imperative that both partners respect this request for a time out. Refusing to allow your partner to take time is a form of emotional abuse, and it is bullying behavior.

When you have had time to calm down, come back together to discuss the issue.

Taking a time-out prevents arguments from escalating and allows both partners to approach the conversation with a clearer and calmer perspective. It is crucial to remind each other that it’s always about resolving the issue, not winning the argument.

Example:

Consider the following scenario:

Partner 1: “I can’t believe you forgot our date night again.”

Partner 2: “I didn’t forget. I just have a lot going on and it slipped my mind.”

Partner 1: “You always justify everything. You never make our relationship a priority.”

Partner 2: “That’s not true. I wish you understood that I’m really busy.”

In this example, the argument is becoming heated, and both partners are becoming defensive. One or both partners need to take a time-out to cool down and process their thoughts. A time-out would allow them to come back to the conversation when they are both in a better head space.

Effective communication is crucial for a healthy and happy relationship. By practicing active listening, using “I” statements, expressing empathy, and taking time-outs, couples can build better communication skills and strengthen their relationship. Communication effort and practice throughout our entire lifetime,  but it’s always worth it. Practicing these effective communication techniques, couples can create a stronger connection and improve the quality of their relationship.

If your relationship is facing communication challenges, consider making an appointment with one of our relationship specialists.

 

Emotional & Sexual Infidelity

by | May 21, 2024 | Betrayal

Infidelity shakes the very core of trust in a relationship, creating a ripple effect of uncertainty and heartbreak. An affair can range from an emotional connection to a physical relationship.
An emotional affair begins when a deep emotional bond with someone outside of your relationship develops, making them your most trusted confidant and soul mate. You begin sharing intimate details of your life  with them and suddenly realize that you are falling in love.  It is usually only a matter of time before it turns sexual. A sexual affair is when there’s sexual contact. Sometimes sexual affairs are just sexual, with no emotional connection.  Emotional affairs can be harder to overcome than one night stands due to the emotional attachment involved. Emotional affairs create a strong bond that is difficult to sever, while one night stands involve minimal attachment, making it simpler to move forward.

All forms of  are traumatic to the marriage. The partner who has been betrayed often experiences symptoms similar to PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, due to the overwhelming pain and loss of control. Symptoms can include intrusive thoughts, irritability, panic attacks, flashbacks, feelings of  numbness, etc.

If and affair has rocked your marriage, we have trained therapist who can help you navigate through the process of healing.

What is an Emotional Affair?

by | May 20, 2024 | Betrayal

  

How does an emotional affair begin?

For Jenna, it all started when she finally created an Instagram account. Jenna’s friends had been asking her to set up an account for years, however, she was intimidated by large numbers of  followers her friends had and felt she wouldn’t have as many. You can see that Jenna’s feelings of low self-worth were there before she even created the first post. Jenna finally set up an account, adding old friends from high school, family, neighbors, and some current friends of her and her husband, Tony.

in just a few weeks,  she had reconnected with most of her old high school friends.  Her previous boyfriend Allen, was one of these new connections.

Jenna found herself spending hours looking at posted pictures of  Allen and his family. She began comparing him to her husband, Tony.  In her eyes, Allen had taken care of himself and was successful, while Tony had led himself go, and become complacent with his appearance and his desire to move forward in his career. The more Jenna compared Tony to Allen, the more she discovered things about Tony that she didn’t like.

Jenna decided to send Allen a private message, asking how he was. She convinced herself it was all innocent. When Allen responded that he was excited to connect with her and started reminiscing about their past, Jenna felt herself swept away by memories she thought she had long forgotten.

Jenna told Allen things about her family, even Tony, telling herself that by talking about her husband she was maintaining a safe boundary.

Before Jenna realized it their messaging went from once a week, to daily,  to all day, everyday.

They interactions seemed fairly innocent as they talked about their families, their kids, their jobs, and they struggles of married life. As the days and weeks progressed, their messages became more intimate. They became better friends. Suddenly, they realized they knew alot about each other, they became best friends.

It wasn’t long before they both believed that their love was rekindled.

They talked about how bad their marriages were and how they both felt stuck. They talked about how their feelings for each other were growing, but both agreed they couldn’t “act” on it. They didn’t realize that they already had..

One day when Jenna left her phone on the table and Tony saw a message from Allen pop up.

Tony clicked on the message and suddenly saw ten months of daily dialogue between Jenna and Allen.

As Tony read through the messages, he felt shocked and betrayed. He was very hurt by the things Jenna said about him. Did she really see him this way?  Was this who he had become? He cried as he read through the messages, and  he realized not only how in love Jenna was with Allen,  but how lonely she was in their marriage.

Recovering from the emotional affair

Jenna and Tony decided that they wanted to work on their relationship. They did not want this to destroy their marriage.  They decided to see marriage counseling and committed to put in the work to save their marriage and family.

Working with a therapist, they realized certain things had to happen in order for them to recover.

The first was Jenna had to cut ties with Allen immediately.

Second, Jenna and Tony were guided in how to  work on meeting each other’s needs. The therapist helped them implement small things into their marriage to help them feel connected.

Connecting in small ways helped meet Jenna’s deep need for more frequent communication and affection that Tony did not even realize she was desperate for.  This began to build a deep, emotional connection between them that they had long ago lost.

Jenna learned that Tony needed more words of affirmation from her,  This was hard for her but her compliments became genuine as they became more emotionally connected.

Nurturing the Marriage

In learning how to nurture their marriage, they set other boundaries to protect against future affairs and to re-build trust in their relationship

It took time, but Tony came to completely forgive Jenna, and Jenna regained his trust.

If your marriage has been effected by an emotional affair, please reach out for help. Our therapists are ready to help! 

 

What is Play Therapy

by | May 19, 2024 | children's therapy

What is Play Therapy

 

IS YOUR CHILD STRUGGLING?

ARE THEY ACTING OUT IN WAYS YOU HAVEN’T SEEN BEFORE?

ARE YOU CONCERNED ABOUT THEIR BEHAVIOR AT HOME, AT SCHOOL, OR WITH THEIR FRIENDS? 

 

Play Therapy is  described as “a dynamic interpersonal relationship between a child and a therapist trained in play therapy procedures who provides selected play materials and facilitates the development of a safe relationship for the child to fully express and explore self (feelings, thoughts, experiences, and behaviors) through play, the child’s natural medium of communication, for optimal growth and development.”

In other words, play therapy is to children what talk therapy is to adults.  It’s helpful to think of the toys as words. Your child will express themselves and the things they cannot say by playing. Their play therapist will observe them and play with them to learn more about what’s going on and how to best help them overcome the challenges they’re experiencing. Then, through play therapy, your child can learn to problem-solve and change their behavior.

What Happens in Play Therapy?

Play therapy involves the use of toys, puzzles, art, sand and many other things to encourage interaction between the child and the therapist.

A play therapist may use a non-directive approach or a directive approach depending on the need and on the age of the client.  Usually, when the client is younger, the therapist will let the child lead the play as the therapist observes. With an older child, it is common for the therapist to take the lead.  The therapist will work with you by the use of books, art, puppets, role-play, etc. to help your child make progress in expressing their emotions and learn new communication skills.

 

Who could benefit from play therapy?

Any child could benefit from play therapy since it’s a safe way for a child to express themselves. Play Therapy can be used as a treatment for several circumstances:

  • Anxiety

  • Depression

  • Emotional dysregulation

  • Displaying anger inappropriately

  • Life transitions such as divorce or moving

  • Family concerns

  • School behavior issues

  • Problematic behaviors from ADHD and/or Autism

  • Social issues

  • Grief

  • Abuse

  • Trauma

How does play therapy work?

A play therapist meets the child on their level. To make  your child to feel more comfortable and to build rapport the therapist will spend a few sessions getting to know the child so they do not feel pressures. Their therapist will play alongside them and observe their interactions. Your child will be more willing to talk through the toys then with words. Child therapist take detailed notes on the emotions they see played out in front of them. As your child becomes more comfortable they will begin to share their thoughts and feelings. When the therapist discovers the root cause of your child’s behaviors, a treatment plan will be written and parenting strategies offered.

 

Is there parent involvement?

A separate time will be scheduled for you to get feedback, discuss  behaviors and parenting strategies. Often, the therapist will invite the parent/s into the session to teach strategies and coping skills that your child can implement at home.  A team effort is crucial from all parties, for the child to progress.

The Pain of Betrayal

by | May 19, 2024 | Betrayal

Navigating the Pain of Infidelity

Betrayal runs deep with infidelity, tearing at the very foundation of a relationship. At Rekindled Hope Counseling Services, we acknowledge the emotional upheaval, lasting psychological impact, and widespread relational effects it leaves in its wake. Our skilled therapists are dedicated to offering a caring, supportive, and secure environment for healing, building resilience, and fostering positive transformations through couples therapy.

Upon learning about a partner’s infidelity, a storm of intense emotions is typically unleashed. From intense anxiety and fear to trouble sleeping and significant mood swings, the aftermath can be overwhelmingly distressing. Some individuals may even grapple with drastic changes in their eating habits or bouts of emotional volatility. The semblance to symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is not coincidental; betrayal and infidelity can indeed trigger a form of trauma.

We want you to know that your reactions, as chaotic and painful as they might be, are normal and justified. Betrayal violates the trust that forms the backbone of your relationship, leading to emotional wounds akin to physical injuries. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your unique response in this scenario.

The Healing Power of Therapy

Betrayal can seemingly rip apart the fabric of your relationship, but it doesn’t have to signal its end. At Rekindled Hope Counseling Services,  we specialize in helping you as individuals and as a couple navigate the complex emotions following infidelity.

Our experienced team fosters a nurturing, healing environment that encourages open and honest communication during couples therapy. Through this collaborative process, we guide you in exploring the emotional and psychological consequences of the betrayal, understanding their impacts, and learning how to rebuild trust. We take an integrative, holistic approach that not only helps heal the immediate wounds but also aims to transform the relationship into a more resilient and understanding union.

Children & Divorce

by | May 19, 2024 | Uncategorized

Child Therapy is Crucial in Divorce

Experiencing a divorce can be incredibly challenging for children, igniting fears and triggering heightened anxiety as the family dynamic undergoes a significant shift. Adapting to new living arrangements or schools amidst their parents’ separation can be particularly tough for children, resulting in increased levels of aggression, separation anxiety, and negative impacts on their social and academic performance. This can further elevate stress levels for children who are already struggling with anxiety or mood disorders and can initiate anxiety-related concerns in children who do not normally have them.

Helping Children Cope With Divorce

When parents divorce, their children often react by showing:

  • Regressive behaviors (bedwetting, tantrums, thumb sucking, refusing to go to bed)
  • Rebellious behaviors (anger, disobedience, or (in an older child) disregard for the parents)
  • Increased episodes of crying or whining
  • Feel “sick” when they are healthy or becoming clingy
  • Separation anxiety
  • Blaming themselves for the divorce

The following are some ways that you, as a parent, can help diffuse some of the tension and child anxiety when going through a divorce:

  • Respect your child’s feelings and encourage them to talk to you about their fears. You may not have all the answers, but sometimes just listening and being supportive to your child can be enough.
  • Remember that your child has lost something, too. They have lost their time with one parent when they are with the other parent and, in many cases, have lost their familiar surroundings, peers, and maybe even a beloved pet or best friend.
  • Reassure your child that, no matter what, you love them now and will always love them. Be sure they understand that the divorce was not their fault and that there is nothing they could have done to prevent it.
  • Try to keep the same routines for bedtime, homework, play time, etc. New routines might need to be added (for example: going to the other parent’s house every Friday night), but keeping as close as possible to the same schedule helps children feel secure. It lets them know what to expect.
  • Rituals also create a sense of safety for your child. A family ritual such as “game night” creates an anchor for your child and gives them a sense of familiarity and a way to relate within their new world.

If your family is going through divorce, reach out and let us help!

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